Maybe Hopeless?
by NicCagesWaifu
Summary: Karkles is going through a rough time. Possible KarJohn and/or SolKat smut in later chapters, and possible character death. Sadstuck I guess? I don't really have a plot, I'm just going to let the story flow with my mood and see where it takes me.
1. Thoughts lead to Actions

**Welp, this story was mostly brought on by depressing thoughts and lack of sleep. I do not plan for this to be very long, but who knows, I may change my mind.**

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My fingers tapped against the keys, wringing out the note I had written a thousand times over in the past week. "Fucking piece of shit." I mumbled, my voice not having it's usual bite or venom to it. I am Karkat Vantas, and I want to die. Fucking fabulous, another moody teenager ready to jump off the deep end, just what the world needs. Although I despise being a major shitstain on the lives of my so called friends, I know that they will miss me. I am the leader of our little group after all. Me, Vriska, Gamzee, Tavros, Equius, Nepeta, Eridan, Feferi, Terezi, Kanaya, Rose, Aradia, Sollux, Dave, and Jade. Such a happy little bunch of dumbfucks.

Sighing, I pushed myself back from my desk, the clock read 3:46 am. Great. Well it didn't matter, dad was on a business trip, and mom was most likely over at her current man whore's house. I got up, stretching slightly where my black sweater rose to expose a bit of my pale stomach. I walked out of my room and made my way down the dark hallway, my feet making soft slapping noises from where I ungracefully stepped. Upon reaching my parent's bedroom door, I paused for just a moment before turning the handle and walking in, my feet sinking slightly into the plush carpet. Mom was always trying to make them seemed like they lived in luxury when actually they were lower middle class trash. Pathetic, she was pathetic.

I made my way to my dad's dresser and opened the second drawer, after shoving away the tons of socks that the man owned, I found it. The small revolver dad kept in case of emergencies. Ever since I was little, I was told not to play with guns or I would get hurt, at the time, I would nod wide eyed and scared, vowing never to touch one, now I scoffed, the plan now was to hurt myself with the gun. I padded pack to my room, the slapping noises of my feet kind of creeped me out a bit to be honest. I ran the rest of the way back and slammed my door shut behind me, imagining some troll or some other stupid creature following me. Pathetic. At sixteen I was still afraid of the dark. Life accomplishment: Be A Major Fucking Pansy.

I flicked on the lights once my erratic breathing returned to normal and I observed the gun in my hands, slowly turning it around, laying my finger lightly on the trigger, and unlocking the barrel to find six bullets neatly in their sockets. Snapping it back into place with a click, I walked over to my desk and sat it down before turning about and making my way to my small bed. I knelt down and reached under the bed to pull out my old lunch box with The Flash on it. It was old and faded, but he was still my favorite super hero. He may not be the coolest superhero, but at least I wasn't like Eridan who's favorite superhero was Aquaman. God, of course that idiot would have an idiot as his favorite superhero. I undid the claps and slowly opened the lunch box to reveal a mound of pictures that had been taken over the years, most of them were me and my teens, but I found a few from when I was in elementary school with one of those dumb disposable cameras.

I picked up the first one, it was of me and Gamzee, my so called best friend I guess. I was in his kitchen wearing that ridiculous pink apron of his mom's, and helping that shit stain make another pie, you could see two already sitting out as Gamzee was placing another one in. I flipped the picture over to the back and written in Gamzee's handwriting was: Making Miracles with Karbro :o). After his mom had taken the picture, she got Gamzee to write little captions on the back. In fact, Gamzee did that on most pictures, wether his mom took them or not, claiming that he had to 'write down the miracles so we can remember them' or some stupid shit like that. I set it to the side and picked up the next one, this was of Terezi licking the side of my face while I had a horrified look trying to push her away. I set that one to the side quickly, I didn't want to remember her wet tongue caressing my face like a giant slug or something. The next one was of Gamzee sitting in Tavros' lap in his wheel chair. The one after that was of me being dressed up by Eridan after I had lost a bet, who knew that mother fucker would beat me in an arm wrestle?

The next one I flipped over gave me a little pain in my heart, as small and pathetic that heart may be, it was still there. It was on Gamzee, John and I all when we were young, I actually had a big toothy smile on my face. It appeared that we were at a birthday party of some sort because we were wearing party hats and Gamzee was holding his horn that he liked to honk when he was really happy. Fuckin weirdo. But pushing that thought aside, I missed those days when things were simple. Before I found out that my mom was a whore and my father only really cared about his work, before Kankri, before I started digging a blade into my skin, before all of that shit.

Speak of the devil and it shall come. The next photo was of me as a toddler and I was being held my a five year old Kankri. I was pulling her hair with a big grin on my face and she had her eye squeezed shut in pain, but her mouth showed signs of laughter. I don't care what other people say, no matter how bossy she was, she was the best older sister I could ever ask for. Fuck. I could feel the burning in my nose coming as my eyes started to water. I pushed that picture far away, not wanting to look at it any more, it made my throat tight just to think about her.

I shuffled through the photos, but it seemed that the photo of Kankri had broken me down to nothing. No tears spilled over until I found the picture I had burried at the bottom of the pile. It was of all of my friends a few years back, welcoming Kankri home after she got out of the hospital. Her short black hair was gone, and she had deep bags under her eyes, but she still had that warm smile on her face. I could puke. I just stared at that picture for the longest time before I noted droplets of water begin to hit the picture. Fucking damn it, I was crying. Something I hadn't done since they day that we lost her.

My mother had told me to go to her room to wake her for breakfast one Saturday morning, and I had stomped up the steps and banged on her door. I was so pissed because I had to stop playing Pokemon to go wake up my dumb sister who just loved to sleep late. Pfft, she thought she could do what ever she wanted just because she was three years older than me. After a few seconds of her not responding, my impatience kicked in and I yelled that I was coming in. She was curled up in a little ball in her bed, and I could see the back of her smooth head from that distance. I suddenly felt like shit, here I was pissed off my ass because I had to go wake up my sister with fucking cancer. I was scum on the bottom of fucking Strider's sneaker, that over confident fuck. I couldn't let her know that I felt bad for her though, then she would get pissed and try to do everything herself until she wound up back in the hospital. I walked over slowly and pressed my hand to her shoulder, shaking her gently. I should of known then that something was off when she felt cold, but I told myself that she was always cold to the touch and continued shaking her. I started calling out her name at increasing volumes until I flipped her off her side and onto her back. She had the most peaceful look on her face, those pale blue lips slightly parted, slightly upturned nose that we shared, and her eyes softly shut with her lashes seeming like they were touching her cheek. She wasn't breathing, I screamed for my mom and dad while shaking her harshly, trying, begging for her to wake up. My voice was swallowed in sobs by the time my parents finally came upstairs, thinking that I was being over dramatic about something as usual. The medics pronounced her dead on the scene, having passed away peacefully in her sleep the night before.

I wasn't the same. How could I be? I held my sister's lifeless body in my hands and just moments before I was pissed at her for no good reason. I was a worthless piece of shit. I stopped smiling, my attitude got even worse, and I started to distance my self from everyone, choosing to lock myself in my room and play video games until my mind was numb. That was three years ago, and I'm still not much better than I was at the beginning. I got into smoking pot with Gamzee, although he just did it for fun, I was doing it to feel at ease for an hour or two. He tried to stop me from taking oxycotton, but I wouldn't listen to him. The shit was much more effective. I would take a pill or two, lock my door, and turn up my music. My parents would never come to check on me, after Kankri died, it was like they died too. Mom started having all of these flings to get some excitement in her life, and dad tried to burry himself in his work. It was like they completely forgot about their son, or that they even had one. Well fuck them, I didn't need them anyway.

I sighed, shoving the pictures back into the lunchbox and sliding it under the bed with a little more force than necessary. I walked back over to my desk, eyeing the gun with mixed emotions. Fuck, I have been over this and over this. Stop being a fucking sweaty ball sack and do it you dumb cunt. I sigh dribbled past my lips as I threaded my fingers through my dark brown, almost black hair. I squeezed my eyes shut and just sat on the floor, my legs pulled up to my chest. My throat felt tight, but no tears came, crying was pathetic, and if I started crying again, I would be doubly pathetic. With more dramatics than necessary, I stood up and stomped over to the gun and shoved it in my desk drawer.

Maybe not tonight, but soon.

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**Reviews please? I need to know if I should continue or not. OwO**


	2. First kiss, oh joy

**Welp, here is the second chapter, it is much longer than the first as you can tell, sorry if it is kind of boring ;A;**

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I shoved my hands deep in the pocket of my black hoodie and trudged through the snow, little wisps of white emitting from my mouth with every huffing breath. I made my way to the bus stop, ignoring the frost covered lawns and snow laden firs. Some might call winter a beautiful season, but to me, it was just a pain in the ass. It was sort of pretty I admit, but god damn, it is fucking cold as mother fucking balls. A tall lanky figure loomed near the bus stop, I knew who it was with out looking at the mess of black hair and dopy grin, or even the face paint. Gamzee was my best bro, but god damn if he wasn't idiotic as fuck.

"Hey Karbro, have any miracles happen to you last night?" He asked, extending a fist in my direction which I bumped my own with less enthusiasm. The juggalo was mother fucking weird, but he had been there since preschool.

"No, you fuckass, no miracles ever happen to me." I spat through gritted teeth. Perhaps I was being harsh, but oh well, Gamzee didn't really care, he only really cared about that idiot Tavros, weed, clowns, and Faygo.

"Ah man, you just gotta wait, the miracles are on there way, I can feel it." He said with a lazy smile, the idiot always said shit that didn't make any fucking sense.

I was about to call him a fuckass again when the bus pulled up and we shuffled up the steps and towards our usual seat near the back. I slouched in my seat and Gamzee took out a bottle of orange Faygo and offered me some of his 'wicked elixir'. I said no, so in turn, he tilted his head back and took a huge swig. How he did that with all the carbonation, I'll never know. We were talking about our AP chemistry class, or rather I was venting about how much of a dumb fuck our teacher was, when the bus made another stop. Fuck, we were about to get the rich kids, Jade, Rose, and Strider. Jade and Rose were almost tolerable, but Strider on the other hand was the bane of my existence, he loved to harass me.

As if on que, the doors opened and in strode Jade, then Rose, then Strider, and finally some dark haired kid that could be Jade's brother. He looked oddly familiar, his name was on the tip of my tongue when the mystery kid and Strider slid into the seat behind us. As soon as the bus took of, a slightly tanned armed wrapped around my neck and a fist dug into my hair. "Hey Karkles." He cooed mockingly. God I hated this doucebag.

My thoughts about the new, or possibly new guy were halted when I spun around in my seat and sent him a harsh glare, he released me and threw his arm around possibly new guy. Only black shades and a smirk greeted me. This kid thought he was so fucking cool. "What do you want fuckass?" I growled more than asked, I hoped my dark brown eyes looked intimidating other than looking like 'an adorable kitten's eyes' as Nepeta put it.

"You remember Egderp from elementary school right? My best bro is back." He said with the typical cool guy half grin. That fuckstick. I narrowed my eyes and surveyed the boy sitting next to him. He had a round face, buck teeth, small nose, and huge blue eyes that even I had to admit were sort of pretty, not that I would ever tell anyone that I thought so. 'Egderp' ran through my mind and instantly I remembered his name. "Hey John, long time no see." I said coolly, trying to show indifference to my old friend who hadn't bothered to tell me he was coming back. Not that we talked that much after he left, but still, knowing would have been nice. Maybe I was being harsh, but harsh was my thing so oh fucking well.

"Hey Karkat, nice hoodie, it makes your eyes look nice." He stated in a cheerful tone that rang with innocence. He had a light and carefree kind of voice that was no where near deep, but was definatly not high pitched, he was somewhere in the middle. Hold on. Why the fuck am I analyzing his voice?

I probably looked like a creep by just staring him and not saying anything in return. Was I supposed to compliment him back? Yes? No? Fucking damn it. "I, uh, thanks Egbert." I said turning back around in my seat and sinking low to where my knees pushed against the seat in front of me. I rested my head on my knees and closed my eyes, I probably looked like a child curled up in a ball, and my height didn't help with the matter. Being 5'5 and 17 was defiantly not one of my finest points. Most guys my age had at least two inches on me, Equius said it was because I didn't drink enough milk, but I wasn't going to listen to that creepy fuck who milked his own cow for fresh milk. Yeah, that mother fucker had a god damn cow in his back yard. Not a dog, not a cat, not even a god damn parakeet for a pet, he had a mother fucking cow. What the serious fuck.

By the time I had finished internally insulting my sort of friend's pet choices, we were at school. Prospit High, the land of broken dreams and failure. Gamzee and I strode off the bus, and I matched his slow moving pace because I didn't want to look like a fucking loner. I could see Dave, John, Rose, and Jade all walk past up talking excitedly to one another. Even though I considered all of them my friends, even that piece of shit Strider (not that I would ever admit it), we ran in different circles. They were all rainbows and sunshine while the people I hung out with were either bitches, stoners, idiots or a combination of those traits. It felt like I was the only sane one alive in this school, except for maybe Egbert who I didn't remember much about except that he was really good at science.

I left Gamzee at his locker while I strode to mine down the hallway only to find John standing in front of it with an exasperated expression. "Hey fuckass, mind moving from in front of my locker?" I asked with a slight huff, not wanting to be later for my first class Mr. Hussie could be really scary sometimes, and very weird at other times.

He looked at me with raised eyebrows and I realized I had to look up slightly to see him. Egbert was even taller than me. Fucking flying fuck shit, the world hates me. He had to be around 5'8 if not 5'9. If he was offended by my comment, he didn't say anything, he simply looked at the paper in his hand and comically slapped himself on the forehead. "Oh gosh damn it." He said "Sorry Karkat, I thought this was my locker, but it's the one beside yours." He laughed sheepishly and scooted over so I could get to my locker and I brushed past him, spinning in the code and clicking open the lock. I started to grab my books when I realized that John was talking to me.

"…Missed you guys a lot, I hope we can still be friends, I know we haven't talked in a while, and that is partly my fault, but anyway, lets get along for the rest of the year. Okay Karkat?" judging by the sharp intake of breath, I decided that he had said quite a bit before I noticed him. Jesus this kid could talk, not that he had an annoying voice, he just rambled a bit. A wide grin split his face when I mutely nodded and turned back to my locker. John still had that little boy cuteness to his face, and I peeked out of the corner of my eye so see him getting him putting his books in with the same goofy grin. With his large square glasses and his slight overbite when he smiled, I concluded that John was defiantly more attractive than I remembered. But then again, he moved away after fifth grade and I had only seen pictures of him that he had sent me over pesterchum. Most of them had been pictures of him wearing idiotic hats and mustaches, or pictures of his movie posters. The kid had an unhealthy obsession with Nicolas Cage, but I'm not even going to get into that.

I turned and went to head to first block AP chemistry when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to cuss someone out for touching me(I hated to be touched more than necessary), and found John there with a small smile tugging at his lips. "Can you tell me where I need to go for AP chemistry?" He asked hopefully. I don't know why, but I was pretty happy we had at least one class together.

I paused for a moment, for some reason I couldn't seem to find my voice. "Sure, uh follow me, I have AP chemistry first block too." I turned, not waiting to see if he followed and made my way down the hall. He soon caught up beside me and began telling me about how much more of an experienced prankster he was. I could only roll my eyes and give him grumbled replies to show him that I was listening. I was kinda happy I had someone to talk to, even though I wasn't saying much at the moment. We finally made it to Mr. Hussie's class, and I could slammed my face into the door. Mr. Hussie was having one of his days where he painted his skin grey and wore candy corn like horns like it was the most natural thing in the world. I could hear John giggling beside me as I made my way to my lab table, I didn't have a partner because mine left the day after the semester started. He was a dumbass anyway, so no big loss there.

"Oh my cod Karkrab, you look so tired!" Feferi exclaimed from the table beside me. I wanted to slam my face against the table as I listened to Eridan and Feferi talk with their fucking fish puns every other word. I get it, your parents run a fish shop ,but seriously was I the only sane one in this school? I wonder if I would die from beating my head on the table or just knock myself out and wakeup with a head ache. Probably the latter. I watched with mild interest as Mr. Hussie introduced John to the class, John giving everyone a cheesy grin and saying that we were all going to have a super duper good time. I rolled my eyes as he named all of our class mates and then instructed him to be my lab partner. I raised my eyebrows in slight surprise, but really it was obvious since I was the only one without a partner.

John practically skipped to our table and set his books down. We, well mostly he, spent most of the rest of the class talking about our assignment, Nicolas Cage, and his pet salamander named Casey.

The rest of the day passed rather un eventfully, that was until I got to gym and noticed John talking to Terezi and the asshole, I mean Strider. Strider and Terezi were usually all over each other, they both shared that 'ironic' sense of humor that I hated. Apparently John was in this class with me too as he waved wildly once he saw me. Great. I walked over there with my usual bad posture, and didn't really participate in the conversation. Strider and I headed to the boys locker room to change (John, forgot to bring his clothes, the dork), and changed into our gym clothes, mine being a black shirt with my zodiac symbol on it, white sneakers, and a pair of black sweatpants. I was just an array of color wasn't I? Strider and I exited the locker room and joined the growing circle around the gym teacher. We met up with Terezi and John who had seemed to attract the attention of Vriska, the bitchiest bitch in the whole fucking school. She wasn't really that bad once you got to know her, ok, she was still just as bad, if not worse, but she usually had good intentions. At least I liked to think that. But if anyone asked me, I would straight up say she was a bitch.

It seems that today we were going to be playing capture the flag for most of the month. Yay, physical exercise. We were sepereated into two teams, Vriska and Dave being the opposing team leaders, I wound up on Vriska's team with Nepeta, Equius and a few other fucksticks that I didn't know, atleast they were somewhat good at sports. I couldn't step onto a field without getting knocked out by the ball, or falling on my face. We headed outside to the foot ball field and set up the flags on opposite sides, the halfway line signifying the territories. We put on the stupid belts that if they were pulled off by the other team, that means we were captured and had to wait until another team member rescued us. Then it was time for the game to start. God fucking damn it. Vriska and Strider both hated losing so they ran the teams like dogs. We had called a time out and Vrika told us the strategy.

It seemed that I was going to be involved, we were going out in two troops of four on either side and planning to blitz attack them and grab the flag. I was on a troop led by Equius who was unbearably sweaty and kept telling Nepeta that her shorts were too 'lewd'. God, those two needed to get a room or something, because they clearly had a thing. The time out was up and we headed to our positions, Nepeta babbling about how she would slice them with her claws or some freaky shit like that. I felt bad for the other guy on in our troop, he must be freaked out by Nepeta where the rest of us were use to it. Once we were in our positions, we waited for Vriska to yell 'Charge' like this was the fucking roman army. My adrenalin was running high from all the movement I had been doing, and there were a few beads of sweat dotting my brow, even though it was cold as balls.

The signal sounded, and with my competitive nature, I dashed forward, dodging the hands flying towards my belt. Heh, I was actually pretty good at this stuff, even though I was rapidly growing out of breath. Maybe I should try out for some sort of sport? Nah, I couldn't put that much effort into a constant thing, I would get bored eventually. My mind was a blur of brown grass, my feet slamming against the ground, and dodging the people around me. I focused on my breathing, in and out, deep breaths, and somehow I had made it to the flag, our in our case baton since we couldn't afford flags. I scooped down and grabbed it, seeing that I was the only one left that hadn't been captured, I ran as fast as I could to the other side. There was a dull roar in my ears as I could barely make out my team cheering me on and Vriska telling me to 'Hurry the hell up' from our side. My legs and chest burned, and I had tunnel vision, focusing on the territory mark a few yards ahead of me. I didn't even notice the blur of blue coming right at me from the side until it hit me, literally, I was tackled to the ground while someone attempted to get my belt off, I wasn't that supprised, the teacher had said tackling was allowed. But what did surprise me was when I landed on my back and a pair of lips crashed down onto mine. What the fuck. I opened my eyes wide and noticed that it was John rapidly pulling himself up with a large blush on his cheeks.

"I, uh, sorry Karkat, it was an accident." He said wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. I tried to form an accurate response, but all I could think about was that Egbert was my first kiss. It was like I had been kiss raped or something.

I scrambled backwards with wide eyes, my fingers touching my lips, sore from the harsh kiss. "H-hey fuckass, what is your problem?" I growled, trying to keep the nervous waver out of my voice. My first kiss had been with someone that didn't even want to kiss me. I know I probably shouldn't count it, but a kiss is a kiss right? With all my brooding, I failed to notice John holding up my belt with a triumphant smile, even though his face was still saturated with a light blush. My mouth gaped open, did it not even bother him much that we kissed?

"I got you Karkat, your captured and have to return the flag now." he said proudly, and suddenly I felt like punching him, whether it was because I was so embarrassed, or for some other reason I couldn't think of think of at the moment because HE FRIGGIN KISSED ME LIKE IT WAS NOTHING I KNOW IT WAS AN ACCIDENT BUT WHAT THE HELL.

"Yeah, yeah, I fuckin' know alright?" I said, grabbing my belt and trudging to the area where the captured people stood. With out attack, we had lost most of our team, and the rest soon followed on reckless attempts to save the us. Eventually Dave's team won by default because they had captured all of us, and we headed back inside with around fifteen minutes of class left. We changed and freshened up a bit so we didn't smell like dirt and sweat and then headed out of the locker room, I chose to ignore Strider's comment about how the kiss was and stormed away from the group and buried myself in my DS since the teacher really didn't care. I could still feel his lips on mine, what the fuck, was this normal? I needed to watch a few more romcoms so I could get better informed about this kind of situation.

I didn't even notice (Something that had been happening a lot today) when John sat down beside me on the gym floor. "Hey Karkat, I'm really sorry about what happened." I gave him a slight grunt to show him that I was listening, but not dignifying him with an actual response. I just focused on the pokemon battle I was having and tried to tune him out. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks at the embarrassment set in, I lost my first kiss to this dork who was obsessed with Nic Cage, I was treating this like it was my virginity or some shit, and to top it all off, I think I kind of liked it, sort of, maybe. He had soft lips ok! Or maybe it was the shy look he got in his eyes when he pulled away, or the pretty blush that touched his cheeks. FUCK. What was I some sappy girl lusting over some guy that she could never get. NOT THAT I WANTED TO GET WITH HIM. Oh my fucking god kill me now, Nepeta and Equius were making their way over to us, and I could tell by the look in Nepeta's eyes that something terrible was about to happen to me. Oh yeah, I sort of forgot John was talking to me as he continued to ramble out apologies.

Nepeta bounced over and held out a folded piece of paper, I opened it, and I felt my entire face flush, including my ears. "What the fuck is this?" I asked, not caring that Equius winced when I swore, he was weird anyway.

Nepeta made what I could only call a fan girl squeal and got down to her knees infront of us, John was trying to see what was on the paper, but I turned it away from him so he couldn't see the awful thing. Nepeta snatched it out of my hands and turned it around to show us, I didn't want to look at it again so I pulled my knees up and buried my face in them, crossing my arms in front of me for good measure. "Come on Karkitty, it's really, really cute!"

I heard John stammer to find the right words. "That's, um, nice, I guess, Nepeta, but, umm, I'mnotahomosexual." he said really fast and I could hear Nepeta whine in protest. "Not that I have anything against homosexuals, I'm just not one of them." he added quickly, and all I could think about was that I had not even thought about the fact that John might be completely straight. I mean, someone that acts like that and has such cute features, WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT EGBERT WASN'T CUTE, ok maybe he was a little cute, BUT ONLY A LITTLE. "Me and Karkat are just friends and nothing else." John said confidently and I could feel him sling his arm around my slumped shoulders, and I couldn't help but tense up, how could he so easily shut us down, NOT THAT I WANTED THERE TO BE AN US, but still, it kind of hurt that he didn't even consider it. "Right Karkat?" John said, jostling me slightly.

I didn't trust my voice and my face probably looked like a tomato, so I simply nodded into my knees and hopped that sufficed. Well, I guess it was good enough for John, but Nepeta on the other hand, why the fuck she was still here, I had no idea, started to speak again. "Awwww! Karkitty is so shy! And John you have your arm around him makes it so cute-" I could feel him remove his arm rather quickly "-you guys make the purrfect couple, you're my new OTP." she said giggling. Her and her fucking cat puns, and using those shipping terms made me want to vomit.

The announcements came out, and I quickly grabbed my stuff and headed to my locker, not really caring about the soccer practice or what ever being canceled. I shoved my books in my locker and made my way out to the buses, the final bell ringing just before I stepped outside. I shoved my hands in my hoodie pocket and walked to my bus, climbing in, and sitting in Gamzee's and I usual seat, resuming my position from this morning, and wallowing in my shame. I could hear other people begin to get on the bus, and I could hear Strider and John talking about Vriska behind me, and that kind of irked me for some reason. The bus was about to pull off before Gamzee finally got there and as if he used his best friend senses, he didn't say anything other than "Want to come over and hang, brother?" I felt him shift lower in his seat when I nodded, still not very eager to show my face.

The ride to the bus stop was a silent one, well silent between me and Gamzee, the rest of the bus was as loud as usual. I only lifted my head when we dropped the rich kids off, my eyes following John's figure as he walked alongside Strider. When we got to our stop, there was still no talking, we didn't talk until we were in his house, up the stairs, and in his bed room with the door closed. I was the one to break the silence with a long, drawn out "Fuuuuuucccccccckkkkkk." I then flopped face down onto his purple comforter, kicked my shoes off, and curled up into a ball on my side. Really, why was I acting this way? John seemed to get over it rather quickly, why couldn't I?

I could hear Gamzee laugh as he reached under his bed to pull out what I suppose was his lunch box filled with weed, where he got it from, I really didn't want to know. I sat there, my eyes downcast as he rolled the blunt, Gamzee knew me so well, he knew I probably wasn't going to talk much without calming down, but he was most likely doing it because he didn't like to see me stressed. I scooted back against the head board, sitting beside Gamzee when I heard the lighter click. He had turned the fan on and opened a window so the smell wouldn't linger. When he passed it, I took a long hit, letting the smoke fill my lungs and may my throat feel fuzzy. Shit, Gamzee must of gotten loud this time, because shit was strong. I blew out a long stream of grey and took another hit, this one hitting me harder, and I shuddered slightly when I exhaled, trying not to cough and look like a total noob. Gamzee laughed again. "So what's up and botherin' a brother today?" he asked as I passed him the blunt.

With my mind already feeling kind of fuzzy, I tipped my head back so it hit the head board, cursing when I hit it kinda hard. "Man, I really don't know Gam, it's not even that big of a deal I guess." I took my two hits when it was passed to me and then handed it back, blowing the smoke out of my nose, ok, I was feeling kinda high. A little but more that 'kinda' I guess. I looked over and Gamzee was taking his hit, blowing out smoke rings that I could never seem to do.

He passed it back to me, and spoke while I was taking my hits. "Well I don't mean to be all up in your business, but its my job as best motherfuckin' friend to talk to you about shit. Was it something to do with Dave or John, I saw a brother looking at them as they walked off."

I passed the blunt again, and blew out smoke as I began to talk. "Fuck, well, you see, man I don't really know how to put this other than to say it straight up. John kissed me during gym, and even though it was an accident, I think I liked it." I turned to him with wide eyes, because despite everything, I still valued his opinion on things.

Gamzee seemed to nod knowingly. "Well Karbro, if you liked it you liked it, now if you want to up and be with him like his boyfriend or something-"

I coughed out a lung full of smoke. "Dude, what the hell are you talking about, I never said anything about dating him, I'm upset because it was my first actual kiss and he didn't even want to kiss me." I sighed, passing the blunt back and leaning my cheek resting on my knees and my face pointed towards Gamzee. "And besides, he said that he is not a homosexual." I quoted and I could feel my face slip into a pout, but then I hardened it to a grimace. I don't pout, pouting is something silly girls and kids do.

We continued to talk about things as we got higher and higher, I left when it was dark and walked the short distance to my house since it was only two houses down the road. My eyes felt heavy and all I wanted to do was go to sleep, I tested the door to see if it was open, and was instantly on high alert when I stepped inside. If it was dad that was home, although it most likely wasn't, he wouldn't say anything to me, just watch the news. If it was my mom however, I was probably going to get bitched out for coming home late. "KARKAT VANTAS." Fucking hell. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN." Hi mom, I'm not dead or dying so leave me alone.

A sigh breezed past my lips as I walked past her up the stairs, judging from the partially empty bottle of vodka on the counter and her overly bitchy attitude, I could tell she was drunk. A hand grabbed my collar and pulled me down the three steps that I had walked up. "You selfish child, I have been waiting for you to come home all fucking day and you just waltz in at almost 11 o' clock? I don't fucking think so. Where the hell have you been." She hissed. I didn't even get to open my mouth before a hand slapped my cheek with enough force to tilt my head to the side. I ground my teeth together to take my mind off the sharp sting. "You're fucking high aren't you? Damn it, have I taught you nothing, your going to end up just like your cousin, dying from overdosing on heroin." She snarled out and I just decided to let her finish. She continued to rant about my poor grades, how selfish I was, and how much of a disappointment I was to our entire family, Kankri would never do something like this, she had perfect grades and was completely against drugs.

When she got to the part about Kankri, I turned around and headed up the stairs before one of us ended up crying, most likely her, and then my dad would be pissed because she would blame her crying on me like a spoiled brat. I ignored her calls for me to get my ass back down stairs and to show some fucking respect. I just went into my room and started playing music off my ipod dock. I locked my door and went to the my closet, feeling along the top shelf, usually weed was all I needed to calm down these days, but hey, old habits die hard. When my hand hit the cool piece of metal, my fingers slid it off the edge and into my other hand. I twirled the small razor blade in my hand with an empty mind. I didn't think much when I got to this point. I kinda shut down.

I kneeled in the middle of my room and pulled my pants and boxers down on the side to expose my scarred side and hip. No one would think that I cut if they didn't see the scars, so I cut in unusual places, never on my arms where people could find them easily. I pressed the blade against the sensitive skin of my hip, softly at first, trying to decide if I really wanted to do this. But then with a rapid motion, I sliced into my skin, watching the ruby red blood well up quickly along the thin line. Over and over again, I dug the blade into my skin, I could of stopped sooner, but I was too far gone. I couldn't even really feel it anymore, the light sting was a constant thing and over road every other thought in my head. I whipped up the blood running down my hip and side with a tissue, then another, and another. There seemed to be a lot of blood, perhaps I should stop, I was going to be as sore as a bitch tomorrow. After a few more particularly deep cuts that streamed blood onto my black carpeted floor, I stopped, my fingers trembling. My mind was still blank as I laid back, staring up at my celing, the loud music pulsing in my ears. I didn't even put forth enough effort to listen to the song or to even get up. I pulled my pants back to their normal position and closed my eyes, almost instantly falling asleep.

My last thought was of the gun sitting in my drawer only a few steps away.

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**Reviews please? OuO I will love you forever3**


	3. How to be a little bitch 101

**Welp, I wrote this kind of quick, so forgive me for how short it is, and if it seems kind of rushed :I**

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I unwillingly woke up to my alarm, rolled over to my side, quickly found out that was a bad idea by the sharp pain from the self inflicted wounds. I really did not need the loud music that had been playing all night to ring in my ears, so I got up, snatched my ipod off the dock and set the device on the table. I spent who knows how long staring at the drawer that concealed the thing that could end my life in a second before I rubbed the sleep out of my drooping eyes and trudged out of my room quietly in case my mom was still at home, which I doubted, but hey, I had been wrong before. I walked to the bathroom and began to strip down, I surveyed the damage in the mirror, ok, it was a lot worse than I remember. A small bruise touched my cheek from where I had been hit, and angry red lines covered from the bottom of my ribs to my upper thigh on my right side, I may have gone a little bit overboard. Now here was the part I hated most, I grabbed the rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball.

I rolled the piece of fluff in my hand for a moment before I decided to stop being a little bitch and actually get rid of any infection. I wet the cotton ball with the rubbing alcohol and testingly pressed it to the cuts. A sharp hiss of pain emitted from my mouth when the cool liquid came in contact with the still partially open wounds. The liquid may have been cold, but it burned like fire. Biting onto the knuckle of my other hand, I rapidly whipped down my side, fighting back the urge to scream. Fuck fuck fuck fucking damn it all to fucking hell. I quickly tried to finish up the job, using up to other cotton balls, when the one before had become too red. When I looked in the mirror again, my entire side looked red. I then stepped into the shower, washed, dried, and then got dressed for school. Looks like today was a long sleeve red plaid shirt and black jeans kind of day. I blow dried my hair until it was mostly dry, and tried to change it to something other than my usual spiky mess. I sprayed on my cologne and walked downstairs.

I walked past the entrance to the kitchen hesitantly peeked around the corner like a little bitch in a scary movie. My ahem 'Mother' was sitting face down at the table, bottle of vodka still clasped in her hand tightly. I almost walked past her and left her there, but I just couldn't. I walked over to her and lightly tapped her shoulder, then shook her slightly, then sharply. I was about to give up when she started to stir. She looked at me with bleary, bloodshot eyes, her lip curling up in distaste as if she had smelt something vile. I took a step back as she vomited on the floor, trying to hold myself down as well. I did not do good with puking. After she apparently emptied her stomach of anything it may have contained, she sent me a sharp glare, well as sharp as you get when you are fighting the urge to heave. "Whatt tha hell do you want?" she growled out, her question punctuated by another heave of bile onto the floor.

"You can't friggin sleep here, at least move to friggin couch." We exchanged glares until I eventually won and she let me lead her to the couch. I eased her down and grabbed a blanket and pillow from the spare bed room and the hall closet, and covered her up, trying to prop up her head so she wouldn't choke on her own barf if she puked again. It was like dealing with a fucking toddler.

After I had got her settled, and I turned to walk away, I felt a timid grasp surround my wrist. I turned back to see my mother with tears filling her eyes. Fuck, I did not need her to start crying, I already was going to be late for school. "Ka-karkat, I want you to know that I love you, and I should never yell at you like that for no reason."

"Yeah, I get it."

"No you don't, ever since Kan-Kankri d-died, things have been bad."

"I know mom, just go to sleep." Please, please let me go.

She began to rub her thumb on the side of my wrist. "Never, ever, doubt that I love you ok?" She whispered pitifully.

"Alright mom, I won't." That seemed to satisfy her, because she released my wrist and laid back with a tearful smile. With a heavy sigh, I walked into the kitchen and started to clean up the floor, putting the bottle of vodka in the cabinet where my mom kept things like that, and whipping off the counter from where the vomit had hit on its descent. After I had tidied things up and sprayed some Fabreeze, I went back up stairs and sprayed a bit more cologne so I wouldn't smell like puke. Luckily none had gotten on me. Then I proceeded to leave the house, locking the door behind me and beginning my twenty minute trek to school.

Once I had gotten my tardy slip from the office, I walked down the empty hallway to my locker, then to Mr. Hussie's class. As expected, when I walked in, all eyes were on me. I looked to my table and almost did a double take, with all the shit this morning, I had kinda forgotten about John who was smiling at me like a dope, but then seemed to have a worried look on his face. I sat down quietly, trying to ignore all the whispers. I got to my table ad sat down on the stool, shifting back slightly so I could but my head down. At first I kept my face turned towards the side, but then I got a face full of Eridan asking me what happened. Not dignifying the twat with an answer, I just crossed my arms and laid my forehead against them, letting my eyes fall shut. Then a slender finger poked me in the side, the dull pain from my cuts intensified when they were unknowingly pressed against. I lifted my head and prepared my best 'Fuck off before I kill you and your entire family' look.

"Hey, hey Karkat, what happened to your face, are you ok?" If he was afraid of my best glare, he didn't show it, instead he looked even more worry, his usually smiling lips hardened into a thin line. His eyes were soft, and I wanted to punch him in the face and hug him at the same time. Fuck I hated being pitied, but when John it seemed like I just wanted to release all of my pent up frustration, even though it would probably make him never want to talk to me again. I felt my glare fade away, and I probably just looked pathetic and tired. When I didn't eventually answer him, and laid my head back down, I heard him tear out a piece of paper, scribble something down, and slide it under my arm. I lifted my head to give him a curious look, only to find him looking intently at Mr. Hussie and the chemical equation on the board. I looked at the note to find that it had his name, number, and a short not telling me to call him if I ever needed anything written down in neat hand writing that my scribble couldn't hope to compare to.

Class ended rather quickly and I proceeded on with the rest of my day. I ate lunch with Gamzee, Tavros, Nepeta, and Equius, but I couldn't keep my eyes from drifting over to John's figure a few tables away where he sat with Jade, Rose, Strider, and surprisingly Vriska, who seemed to be trying her hardest to keep John's attention. I don't know why, but it irked me to see her so shamelessly flirting with him. Why would a bitch like her be interested in John of all people, and why did it seem like John was shyly flirting back. I didn't know anyone had been trying to talk to me until a hand slapped in front of me, jarring me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see the pointy nails of Nepeta, she really needed to clip those, it was kind of scary, like claws almost. I shot her a glare and a mumbled 'what'. Her eyes had that mischievous look to them that I had grown to fear.

"Kaaaaaarrrrrrkitty, are you upset because John and Vriska are talking?" she asked, wiggling her brows suggestively. I stared at her light brown eyes and childishly poked out my tongue at her, only to see her squeal and giggle. "I KNEW it, your jealous aren't you Karkitty?" she asked bouncing up and down in her seat, it seemed like Equius who was beside her was beginning to sweat as he reached for the hand towel in his back pocket and began to dab his forehead. Fucking weirdo.

"No way in hell, I barely even know him, you do realize that right?" I asked, my voice dripping like acid, but her smile only widened. Practically the whole school knew I was gay, or atleast bisexual thanks to my short relationship last year with Sollux, it was awful, we were either cussing each other out or threatening to kill each other most of the time. I do kind of miss it though, not screaming at the top of my lungs at the jackass, just the warm feeling of his hand, and the feeling of his lips pressing softly to my forehead when ever he would bring me home from one of our few dates. I was completely over him though, that relationship was way more bad than good, and we both decided to remain friends after those three weeks. I asked him why he never actually kissed me, and he would just shrug and say 'I don'th know KK, it justh didn't feel like the righth time' and then find a way to end the conversation. After we broke up, it wasn't long before he got with Aradia, they were still together, and even I had to admit that they looked good together, they made each other happy even though one was obsessed with death and the other obsessed with computers.

I was kind of surprised that no one asked about the bruise, but a strangely serious look from Gamzee told me that we would have to talk about it later when we were alone. I had been best friends with him for so long that just one look told me that much. I argued with Nepeta for the rest of lunch, while I got angrier and angrier, she seemed to get happier and happier. Fucking bitch. After lunch I went to my next class uneventfully, and then headed to gym. I told the teacher I wasn't feeling well and sat out for the day while I took a zero for not participating. Running with kinda fresh cuts did not seem like fun, and also I would have to change in front of everyone or look like a prude by changing in the bathroom stall I did my homework while I waited for class to be over, and then listened to the music on my ipod, oh Of Mice & Men, you know me so well. I pulled my knees up, wrapped my arms around them and laid my head down, I must have had it too loud, because I didn't notice someone beside me until someone pulled out one of my headphones.

"Geeze Karkat, you are going to go deaf with your music that loud." I picked my head up to see John kneeling beside me, dressed in his normal clothes, class must be over I guess. "The announcements are about to start and I thought maybe you had fallen asleep so I cam to check on you." He said with a slightly buck toothed grin that was kind of cute, and I noticed that he had a deep dimple on the side of his face that made it even more cute.

I grunted in response and grabbed my books and heading out of the gym as soon as the announcements started. Fuck, Gamzee was probably going to make me come over to his house and tell him what happened. Gamzee was weird, he was all chill ninety-nine percent of the time, but when he got upset about something, it was kind of scary. I remembered when he snapped once in freshman year when some senior shoved Tavros down in the hallway for walking too slow. He had just gotten his new prosthetic legs, and still wasn't that graceful on them. When the kid started laughing at Tavros trying to get up like an awkward turtle, Gamzee stated beating the shit out of him. I finally managed to calm him down after he nearly killed the guy, he clung to me shaking after we had gotten Tavros up, Gamzee would have been expelled if I hadn't of explained the whole thing, because the other guy played victim and Gamzee just said he blacked out. He had to go to a therapist for three months after that to deal with his anger problems, but every one that remembers that day knows not to piss him off.

I got on the bus after I went to my locker and sat by the window in my usual seat. I watched John, Strider, Rose, and Jade get on, followed by a few people I didn't care about, and then finally Gamzee who slumped down in the seat next to me. "You're comin' over to my motherfuckin' house right?" he said more than asked, and I knew that I was going to end up there where I wanted to or not. So I sighed and nodded before looking out of the window again. We got off the bus and headed to his house, up the stairs, and it seemed as though as soon as we were in the room with his door closed, he had me pinned against the wall with one arm and was pulling up the side of my shirt with the other hand. "Mother fucker!" he swore loudly and punched the wall harshly beside my head, good thing his parents were still at work. I wrapped my hands around the extended arm and tried to calm him down. Gamzee had known I cut since from almost day one, he had been able to tell something was wrong, and wouldn't leave me alone until I told him. Every time I told him after that, he made me half heartedly promise never to do it again or to tell him right away, but I had never seen him get this upset about it, probably because those times had been small sections of skin, and this had been my entire side, plus it was deeper than usual, and it had been weeks since the last time

I couldn't look at him, though I could tell he was looking at me intensely, I bit my lip and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. My throat felt tight and my nose was starting to get warm. Fuck, was crying like a little bitch going to become a normal thing. He stepped back, but soon pulled me tightly into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head. "Mother fucker." he whispered, his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. Here it comes, it was about to start. "Man brother, why didn't you tell me, why you gotta hide it from me? Outta everyone you should know that I got your back bro, thick and thin bro, that's what brothers are for." I succumbed to the feelings of being a little bitch and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face into his chest and sniffling like a little girl. He kept talking, but I couldn't really hear what he was saying. God I was such a bitch. If he cared that my tears got on his shirt, he didn't say anything. We stood there for who knows how long where I covered his shirt in tears and he tried to calm me down by rubbing my back and shooshing me quietly.

After my little bitch moment, I pulled myself together and pushed him off, trying and failing to glare at him. I wiped my eyes from tears with the backs of my hands, and we laid back on his bed and I told him everything that had happened, I left out the part about the gun, because I knew he would flip shit and take it from me or some shit like that. I would tell him if I decided not to do it, and if I did, well, he would find out anyway. After that, he let me fall asleep in his bed while he played some videogames. I didn't mean to fall asleep, I was just so tired. He woke me up later so I could go home, we didn't say much other than him making me promise to talk to him about this kind of stuff.

When I got home, the house was dark and empty, so I made some ramen and headed up to my room. I stripped out of my clothes, and while I was taking my pants off rather ungracefully, a folded note fell out and onto the floor. I picked it up and quickly found out it was the note John had given me. I entered the number into my phone, but didn't do anything else. I shoved a fork full of ramen into my mouth, before starting my Xbox and playing until it was almost three. No one had come home yet so I guess no one would be here I the morning, I preferred it that way. Turning off my Xbox, I got up and checked my Facebook for another thirty minutes and then found my hand reaching for my drawer. I picked up the gun, feeling the cool, smooth metal slide against my fingers. I sat it in my lap ant thought for a long time, how would I say good bye, who would I say good bye to, would I make a video so I could say my regrets or write it all down in a letter, what songs would I asked to be played at my funeral, and so many other things ran through my mind. When I finally snapped out of it, I looked to my clock to see that another thirty minutes had passed. I stared at the gun for a few more moments before letting out a heavy sigh and placing it back in the drawer. I obviously wasn't able to do it tonight. So I turned off the light, set my alarm, and crawled into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

My dreams were a blur of dark memories of Kankri and my parents, what would they say if they knew I wanted to kill myself? I tossed and turned for the next two and a half hours, what ever sleep I got wasn't really restful, so when my alarm when off, I decided that I didn't need to go to school today, it was a Friday anyway so it didn't really matter. I spent the day in my PJs, and played videogames most of the time. Mom never came home, neither did dad, but he wasn't supposed to come back until tomorrow. It was an hour or so after the time school should of ended when I heard the doorbell ring. I ran a brush quickly through my hair so it didn't look too awful, and then made my way to the door. It rang a second time, add I yelled at them to calm the hell down and that I was on my way. I opened the door with a grouchy look and came face to face with one of the last two people you would expect to be at my house, but there they were, John and Strider. John had that stupid grin on his face, and Strider wore that cool guy 'I don't really care' face. "Can I help you?" ok, that sounded pretty harsh to me, and John flinched slightly, a frown beginning to tug at his lips, and I instantly regretted my tone.

"Oh, um, I was worried because you seemed pretty upset at school the other day, and you didn't show up today, and Dave said you never miss school, so I got really worried and wouldn't stop talking about how worried I was, so then Dave brought me here to see you." He finished with a shy smile poking his two index fingers together, his eyes not meeting my gaze. I was kind of flattered really, not many people probably even thought twice about me not being there, except maybe Gamzee and Tavros, possibly Nepeta and Equius too. I invited them inside, but to my distaste, John aid he had to get ready for his date with Vriska, apparently she 'really, really liked' him, and was 'really, really pretty' too. I could of gagged, not that Vriska wasn't somewhat attractive, I just couldn't imagine sweet, adorable, what the fuck am I even talking about, John with bitchy, moody, and slightly scary Vriska. I waved as they finally left and went back inside to my waiting Xbox. But for some reason, I just couldn't get into the game like before, I was constantly distracted by a certain blue eyed boy kissing a certain bitch during a movie, and it was starting to piss me off, not that I had any right to be.

I sat in front of my computer for a long time, thinking about making a going away video before standing up and going to bed early. Maybe I would make it tomorrow or something. I kinda just felt like sleeping. Little did I know that tomorrow was going to turn everything to hell.

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**Sorry for the slight cliff hanger I guess.**

**I know only one person has been reviewing my chapters so far, and I love them very much (Really Callie982, you are awesome) 3 but I would still like to hear from other people. c:**


	4. The fuck?

**Shocking development! Crappy chapter is crappy, sorry ;A;**

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It was around three when I heard it, the loud crash of breaking glass. Shouted curses between my mother and some unknown guy could be heard from downstairs. Fuck, what if we were being robbed or about to be murdered or my mom was about to get raped. Fuck I need to stop watching crime shows, she was probably just fighting with her latest boyfriend.

Against my better judgment, I crept out of my room and down the stairs, my weight causing the slightly loose floor boards to creek slightly, it didn't matter though, their yelling drowned out any slight noise that I made. Really, they were going to wake the fucking neighbors and I'd have to deal with them peaking out of the window at me every time I went outside, which was rare, but still. Or they may even call the fucking cops this time, but who the fuck knows what old people think about other than denture cream and orange juice.

This almost always happened when dad was about to come back, my mom would stop seeing her current fling, they would confront her asking where they went wrong, and she would tell them she was married with a kid. They sometimes stormed out, other times they would yell and shout, and there has even been more than one occasion where the guy has hit her. You don't hit my mom, even if you get the urge to strike her, the most violently you are allowed to touch her is a soothing pap to the arm or shoulder. Not her face, because that's fucking weird.

"Fuck you, you selfish prick!"

"Oh I'm the selfish one? I'm not the bitch that led a guy on for three fucking weeks and then dropped him because her fucking husband was coming home that the guy didn't even fucking know about!" Oh jesus, this was one of the angry ones, fuck I hope he wouldn't hit her. Why my mom liked angry guys, I'll never know.

I hesitated for a moment at the base of the stairs before faking a confident stride into the kitchen. I was fucking tired as balls, and I wanted to go the hell to sleep. This wouldn't be the first time I had to break things up, the guys usually took off when they saw me, not wanting to act like a total dick in front of someone else I guess. I hesitated when I rounded the corner, be cause there had to be a giant in my kitchen. Fuck this guy was huge. He had my mom cornered against the wall while he screamed at her, and she was looking up at him defiantly, her foul mouth working as fast, if not faster than his. Hey, I came by my swearing honestly, it must be a fucking family tradition to curse like a sailor or some shit like that. I waited a long while for them to notice me, my arms across my chest and sending my harshest glare at them.

Finally, my mother noticed me. She ordered me to get the fuck back to my room, and with that one sentence I could tell she was drunk, her posture and blood shot eyes should of tipped me off sooner though. They guy however turned to look at me and I realized that he had a somewhat pretty face, even though he was obviously drunk and had a look of bat shit anger on his face. Once he finally focused on me, he stepped away from my mom with a harsh laugh. "That's your kid? I expected something slightly impressive, not this pint size piece of shit." Okay, ouch, they had never openly insulted me before and I was caught off guard.

"You shut your fucking mouth, you know nothing about him!"

"Well I know he is a son of a bitch and that is all I need to know!"

"Oh my god, can you just leave, you're just getting angrier and angrier and nothing is going to change by you yelling at her." I snarled out, throwing as much venom in my voice as I could.

It took him a moment to process my words, and he looked like he was about to leave, his face relaxing as he turned his back to my mom, he had taken one step, when my mom had to fucking ruin it. "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out douche wad." She said sounding like a bratty fourteen year old going through her scene phase. He did a one-eighty and punched the fuck out of my mom. And when I say punch the fuck out of, I mean it. Her head smacked against the wall and she was completely knocked out. She was taken down by one fucking hit. God damn it. After that, he just turned and left, the front door slamming violently as he went.

With a long heavy sigh, I walked over to my mom and carried half dragged her to the couch. Dad was going to be pissed that the kitchen was a wreck. As I set my mom down on the couch, I noticed fading bruises lining her upper arm, and it looked a lot someone had grabbed her harshly and shook her or something. "God damn it mom." I breathed, my head hanging low, I brushed a few strands of hair from her face, and despite being in her early forties, she still had a pretty youthful look to her. No matter how much shit I talked about her, she was still my mom, and it hurt to see her going through this rough time. But come the fuck on, It was time to grow up, Kankri wasn't coming back, sleeping with all of these different guys wasn't going to make you forget about her either. I covered her up with the blanket from the other day, and went to the kitchen and wetting a cool rag. I walked back to the living room and placed the rag on the side of her face that was hit, hopefully the already forming bruise wouldn't last as long.

I got up from my kneeling position beside her and went to the kitchen. God damn, they had made a mess. There were shards of glass all over the floor and what I assumed was a puddle of vodka, or some other hard liquor. Sighing I swept up the class, cutting my bare feet twice in the process, probably should of put on shoes to do this, but it was too late now. I mopped up the liquor with a dish rag and threw it into the washing machine. I checked on my mom again to see she was still knocked the fuck out on the couch. Should I call a doctor or some shit like that? Fuck if I know. My eyes were drooping as I messily bandaged up my foot and walked back upstairs. Fuck, I probably had a tiny piece of glass in my foot from earlier, shit mother fucking hurt like balls.

I limped to the bathroom to grab the other first aid kit, and went back to my room. After several excruciating minutes of digging around in my foot, I found the thin sliver of glass wedged deep within my flesh. Fucking gross. I got blood all over my pants from where I had propped my foot up on my opposite knee, and all over my fingers from trying to get the damn thing out. After that, I proceeded to bandage my foot up yet again and shoved all the crappy first aid stuff back into the box which I set on the floor. As soon as I was under the covers and had my head on the pillow, I was fast asleep.

I woke up again around noon, being a Saturday, it really didn't matter what time I got up so who gives a fuck, really. Still in the same clothes I had been wearing since Thursday night, I grabbed some fresh clothes and shuffled more than walked to the bathroom. I was tired and didn't really feel like pulling my feet up all the way, sue me. I stripped down and clambered into the shower rather ungracefully, but who cares I wasn't a god damn ballerina or some graceful shit like that. I hissed as my body was met with steaming hot water, I turned it down only slightly to where it slightly burned my skin rather than scalded it. I wanted a hot shower, not to be cooked into a tender Karkat meatloaf. God I fucking hated meatloaf.

I got out of the shower and looked at my entirely pink tinged skin. Why did I turn so pink? Oh yeah, because I am pale as fuck. Why am I pale as fuck? Because I hardly go outside in the summer. Why don't I go out in the summer? Mother. Fucking. Bees. God I fucking hated bees. I hated bees more than anything. I hated bees more than Strider, campers in videogames, and even more than meatloaf. I would gladly have a romantic dinner of meatloaf with Strider and get my ass handed to me by thirteen year old campers if it meant I never had to see another bee again. God damn it, I need to stop my mind from wandering off like that. I slid on a slightly large black tee-shirt and a pair of faded jeans.

I went back to my room and it was already past one, so I turned on my phone to a missed call and five unread texts from Sollux.

Hey

Kk are y0u there?

ii really need 20me0ne tw0 talk tw0

Kk plea2e iif your up ii need tw0 talk tw0 y0u

Kk?

Well that was rather weird. I sent him a text back asking what was wrong before sliding my phone into my pocket and trudging down stairs. Welp, you could tell dad was coming home later, because my mom had apparently started to clean up, our house actually looked like a house for once and not some junkyard fully of bottles and left over fast food. I saw my mom in the kitchen wearing her long messy dark hair in a bun, as much as I loathed to admit it, I got a lot of traits from my mom, giving me a distinctively girly as fuck face, or to me it seemed that way. Big brown eyes, soft brown, almost black hair, slightly up turned nose, and my height were all things I got from her, making me look like her mini gender bent clone. I think the only thing I got from my dad was my constant bad attitude and my slightly large hands, well large for my size that is. I leaned against the arch way and waited for her to turn to look at me, I was getting ready for the talk that always came when dad was about to come home.

She turned to look at me, and I saw that she was wearing a turtle neck and a lot of make up to hide any bruises or hickeys she may have. Dad would flip shit if he saw how bad she looked naturally, not that I mean she was ugly, just that she had to have a big fucking bruise on her face, fading ones on her arm, and those two or three ever present hickeys that dotted her neck. "Karkat, you know your dad is coming home today, so lets be on our best behavior." She said wringing her hands together, her brow furrowed in worry, and her large brown eyes looked at me pleadingly.

"I know mom, I'll be good." I grumbled, when ever she got bent out of shape like this, it made me feel bad, be cause it was so unlike her. I would rather have her drunk off her ass and screaming at me than looking like she was about in to burst into hysterics. Fuck, I hated to worry, I have always been the type to worry more than necessary, it was annoying as fuck, so I usually got high or played videogames until I forgot about it. Option one was out of the question, dad would kill me if he found out I smoked or took pills, so I headed back upstairs and turned on my Xbox, planning on making some campers cry when they got their asses handed to them. It was a little while later that my mom called me from the base of the stairs, informing me that I had a guest.

Backing out of my game with a sigh, I walked down the steps, it was probably Gamzee, or maybe even John. But I was taken off guard to see my tall, lanky friend by the name of Sollux standing awkwardly in the living room while my mom offered him anything he could ever need when it came to food and drinks. Bi-colored eyes met mine, that is something I had always liked about Sollux, he had one pale green eye and one light blue eye, it was really unique and very attractive in my opinion, although you would have to torture me to get that information. "What's up Sollux?" I asked, raising a brow, I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to why the pain in the ass was here. I had to admit he looked rather good today, like he almost put effort into his choice of clothing. He was wearing a loose black turtle neck and a pair of dark grey jeans along with a pair of black and white checkered vans.

"Hey KK, can we talk?" He asked, scratching behind his head, jesus, he was really awkward at times. I invited him to my room and closed the door behind us incase we started yelling at each other, like usual. He walked over to my bed, kicked off his shoes and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Fuck, what is wrong, what was with those texts earlier?" I asked, it was the first thing that popped into my mind, and hey, I was a curious mother fucker at times. "Did you fucking get Aradia pregnant? Jesus Christ, Sollux, keep in in your pants." I said immediately jumping to conclusions. "If you expect me to be the god father or-"

He cut me off by simply shaking his head. Why the fuck wasn't he getting mad, when I jumped to conclusions, it was his cue to call me a ass. Something must be very wrong, so I clambered up the bed beside him, pulling my knees up to my chest as wwell and looking up at him. I waited for a long time before he spoke. "Aradia broke up with me, she says she loves someone else and hasn't loved me for weeks now." He said slowly, I didn't interupt because I was in so much shock. Sweet, gently, creepy as fuck Aradia liked someone other than her crush since middle school?

"Well how the fuck did you find out? Who is this douche bag that she likes? Are you ok? I'm here for you man." I said, leaning against his side, feeling relieved when he leaned against me, his head resting in top of mine as he let out a heavy sigh.

"She is with Equiuth now, she says he is poetic and sensitive when I am harth and tiring. I founth out when I went over to her houth to pick her up for our date last night and she told me everything. And as for being ok, I have no fucking clue, up until now I have just felt this dull pain." He said with a long sigh, I had almost forgotten about his slight lisp, it usually only came out when he was really upset.

After a while of comfortable yet slightly awkward silence, he spoke again. "KK, do you think she even lovthed me at all?" He asked quietly, and I'll be damned, he sounded like he was about to cry.

Many shooshes and paps later to prevent him from starting to cry I tried my hand at this comforting thing again. "I think she did, but maybe you two aren't meant for each other, she didn't even try to get past your differences, she just gave up, so in my opinion, she doesn't deserve you." That got a slight sniffle and he moved from having his cheek resting against the top of my head, to where he was pulling away slightly to look down at me, red eyes from suppressed tears and a wavering half smile greeted me. I shifted my eyes downcast when he looked at me that way, fuck, he really was attractive, especially when he was opening up to me like this. I could feel a heat rising to my cheeks as I continued. "She has lost out big time, while you may not be the most romantic or suave boyfriend, you have your moments, and those moments are what matter the most. I think that maybe this is a good thing for you, at least you found out now rather than letting it go on for who knows how long. It just means you will get happier faster, and you will be able to move on with your life. Find someone else you want to be with, or stay by yourself, as long as you're happy, that is all that matters in the end." My face felt aflame now, and I quickly glanced up, only to look away again when I saw him still looking at me. Somehow his arm had managed to wrap itself around my shoulders at some point.

What happened next, you could ask me to explain and I would never be able to give you an answer in a million years. It all happened so fast. With a gentle, almost hesitant hand, he lifted my chin up and pressed his lips softly to mine. It was short and sweet, and when he pulled back slightly, he maneuvered me around to where I was sitting in between his legs with my back pressed against his chest. I still couldn't comprehend what had happened, so I just sat there trying to figure it out for the next few seconds. "What the fuck was that, Sollux?" I asked, although my voice was slightly high pitched and held no venom.

My words caused him to lean his head forward on my shoulder, a warm chuckle making my hair stand on end, but in a good way. "I forgot how much I missed you KK." He breathed close to my ear and I could tell that infernal blush was back with a vengeance. He wrapped his arms tight around me and refused to let me go, so I just leaned back against his shoulder and let my eyes fall shut. This was oddly comforting, I guess, maybe, I don't fucking know, I was still trying to work things out. Although, I had to admit, I had really missed this part of Sollux too.

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**Welp, now Sollux is thrown back into Karkles life, and I feel like an evil god or something with the way I play with the characters. Its bitch tits wicked.**

**Anyway, could you please review? I'm not getting much feed back and may stop the story, but I'll continue if even one person says they like it.**


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